if you like me you must not know who I am
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
