I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
