he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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