I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
