Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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