MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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