Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
