I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
