new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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