She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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