just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
did i just pee glitter
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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