Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
