i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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