I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
