I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
