She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
