No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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