I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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