3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
