It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
