His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
