There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
