remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
