Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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