She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
