My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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