where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
