so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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