I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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