so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
