Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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