My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
