Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I showed him my bush... on skype.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
