we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
