Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
