I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is wine microwaveable?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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