WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
