i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
