I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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