And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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