Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
