How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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