College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
