I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
