I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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