you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
