i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
