I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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