i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
