I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
