How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
