He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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