so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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