My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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